“Victorian DMer in Mourning” outfit

100 years hence: The kerchief turns into an iPhone, and her real grief into emoji-filled melodrama.

How I lost it all? Likely, it happened as I walked down the street, hands in pockets, unconsciously fumbling with my iPhone. An unseen swipe to the left. An unintentional tap of red button. Thusly, I deleted the entire text message history between my ex and me. Two years of intimate archives, burned up like illicit letters in a Victorian fireplace.

You think there’d at least be a two-step pop-up warning: “Are you sure you want to delete this relationship?”

I couldn’t quite come to grips with my melodramatic grief after 4 separate attempts with recovery software failed to retrieve the lost missives (and dick pics). It felt like the end. A more absolute and definitive end than the actual end, holding each other in the early morning after breaking up in his bathroom, as I said, “Can this not be the end? Can we at least take today and this not be the end?”

vintage Jonathan Martin black dress with weird 80s flounces at the hip– $4.99, Restyle thrift store | Banana Republic braided tan & black leather belt – sale $18 (MSRP $80), Banana Republic  Frye knee-high black leather boots – $75, Bombshell & Blokes “head to boots” fall make-up event

Kannon Chaise Lounge in burgundy – $470 (after using a 10% off coupon & a $10 “reward” coupon), Wayfair | Antique Mirror Beau accent table – $4.59 (org. $100, on sale for $39, then discounted obscenely with rewards bucks & offers I got on their app), Cost Plus World Market | Oversized Palm Leaves printed lumbar pillow – $3.19 (org. $29, on sale for $23, then discounted obscenely), Cost Plus World Market | blue & grey ceramic paired bird vase – b-day gift from Kim Philley for Feng Shui true love karma

Cheep it ‘til The End. Black screen