We hope you have enjoyed the show. We’re sorry but it’s time to go. We’d like to thank you once again. It’s getting very near the end.
no label vintageflower-print & black empire waist dress – $12.99, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store |Ralph Lauren studded black suede & wood high-heeled mules – $5, Good Samaritan thrift store (MSRP $100)
Derry mid-century modern velvet sofa in sapphire – $620, Wayfair.com | local black walnut coffee table – $750, custom-made byDerek Hurd at Studio 12-12 | Gorgeous rug – gift from my ex | 1972 flower painting – gift from my ex | Mars metallic lamp – long-ago gift from my ex-ex
100 years hence: The kerchief turns into an iPhone, and her real grief into emoji-filled melodrama.
How I lost it all? Likely, it happened as I walked down the street, hands in pockets, unconsciously fumbling with my iPhone. An unseen swipe to the left. An unintentional tap of red button. Thusly, I deleted the entire text message history between my ex and me. Two years of intimate archives, burned up like illicit letters in a Victorian fireplace.
You think there’d at least be a two-step pop-up warning: “Are you sure you want to delete this relationship?”
I couldn’t quite come to grips with my melodramatic grief after 4 separate attempts with recovery software failed to retrieve the lost missives (and dick pics). It felt like the end. A more absolute and definitive end than the actual end, holding each other in the early morning after breaking up in his bathroom, as I said, “Can this not be the end? Can we at least take today and this not be the end?”
vintage Jonathan Martin black dresswith weird 80s flounces at the hip– $4.99, Restyle thrift store | Banana Republic braided tan & black leather belt – sale $18 (MSRP $80), Banana Republic Frye knee-high black leather boots – $75, Bombshell & Blokes “head to boots” fall make-up event
Kannon Chaise Lounge in burgundy – $470 (after using a 10% off coupon & a $10 “reward” coupon), Wayfair | Antique Mirror Beau accent table – $4.59 (org. $100, on sale for $39, then discounted obscenely with rewards bucks & offers I got on their app), Cost Plus World Market | Oversized Palm Leaves printed lumbar pillow – $3.19 (org. $29, on sale for $23, then discounted obscenely), Cost Plus World Market | blue & grey ceramic paired bird vase – b-day gift from Kim Philley for Feng Shui true love karma
My imaginary lumbersexual boyfriend in our home rich with hygge and overpriced macrame from Anthropologie.
At a hostel in Sofia, Bulgaria, when I was twentysomething, I met an Israeli guy, Gigi, who successfully claimed insanity to escape mandatory conscription into the army. I found that hot, apparently, because we followed a Lonely Planet write-up to a back alley bar in a barn and downed alcohol as he told me the hidden secrets of the universe.
Like his foot fetish. And a “We are the World” form of sex tourism. He told me about the guys he met who made it their mission to sleep with women in every country in Europe and beyond, notching their suitcases with flags from each nation, like splooge trophies. He told me legends of the hardcore Norwegian girls, wearing the shortest of short skirts in subzero temps. Viking AF. Then, he sucked my feet. And this is why one travels.
Badgley Mischka black mini dress – $40, Gold Mine Consignment in Ketchum, Idaho | Jones New York red & black flannel jacket – $12.99, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Guess red suede stilettos– $5.99, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store [Side Note of No Consequence: Gigi would not be a fan of these heteronormative “sexy” shoes. We passed a Bulgarian shoe store on the walk back to the hostel. “Do you like that shoe?” I’d ask, pointing to something red and pumpy. “No, I like that one,” pointing to a rather Slavic low-heeled black boot. How totalitarian of him.]
Vinyl of the day: ‘So Runs the World Away’ – Josh Ritter
I hosted Story Story Late-Night tonight. It’s the black sheep of the storytelling family. And it was amazing.
Because up top it’s all, “Hand me a gimlet at the regatta.” Or whatever they say in the Hamptons. And down low it’s all, “Bow chicka bow bow…” *face plant*
Guess multi-colored print strapless dress – $12, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Melissa white plastic w/ tassels & multicolored threaded platform heel – $24, The Gold Mine thrift store in Ketchum Cheep it all you black sheep.
Rawr. Rawr. Siss. Boom. Bah. I did a quick change into this outfit at my last *crosses fingers* comedy show ever tonight, the Boise’s Funniest Person Alumni Show.
I hosted. I did a heartfelt, relevant, funny, decent set. I loved the raw talent and energy. I found my laughs. I found my peace with stand-up comedy. With my stand-up self. Rawr. Rawr.
vintage 80s Late Edition Ltd navy ruffle dress with boned bodice with gold lace roses – $5, private yard sale | vintage Mondi Accessories goldleather three-strap sandals – $5, ReStyle thrift store (made in Italy)
Vinyl of the day:Get Your Ya-Yas Out – The Rolling Stones
This vintage postcard sits on my desk at work. Ryan and I camped out on the patch of green on the far side. The fashion photo features the unnamed lake hidden right behind this one-mile glacially-carved wonder called Sawtooth Lake.
Through the Sawtooths. That’s where I’ll be. So tiptoe through the Sawtooths with me.
Call this glamping, backpacking-style. This black w/ gold & silver metallic polka dot dress ($5 but gift from friend – Mountain Home thrift store (and now so worn-out it’s practically see-through) always reminds me of something a superhero would wear on her off time. Wonder Woman’s Lululemon collection.
Record Exchange black & white old-school trucker hat (pilfered from Ryan’s collection, returned dirtier).
rose w/ diamond button accents – $15, Once Upon a Time antique store | Cashmere Wrappings 100% silk gray & red flower print scarf – $30, Bombshell & Blokes salon | Calvin Klein black patent leather heels – $7.99, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Vicini red genuine leather geometric belt – $1.99, ReStyle thrift store
We hope you have enjoyed the show. We’re sorry but it’s time to go. We’d like to thank you once again. It’s getting very near the end.
Rawr. Rawr. Siss. Boom. Bah. I did a quick change into this outfit at my last *crosses fingers* comedy show ever tonight, the Boise’s Funniest Person Alumni Show.
