We hope you have enjoyed the show. We’re sorry but it’s time to go. We’d like to thank you once again. It’s getting very near the end.
no label vintageflower-print & black empire waist dress – $12.99, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store |Ralph Lauren studded black suede & wood high-heeled mules – $5, Good Samaritan thrift store (MSRP $100)
Derry mid-century modern velvet sofa in sapphire – $620, Wayfair.com | local black walnut coffee table – $750, custom-made byDerek Hurd at Studio 12-12 | Gorgeous rug – gift from my ex | 1972 flower painting – gift from my ex | Mars metallic lamp – long-ago gift from my ex-ex
Wine pairing non-recommendation: A liver-cleanse acupuncture session immediately followed by a wine tasting trip to Walla Walla, Washington.
My time-lapse progression in 6 tiny tasting pours. 1st taste: “Mmmmm.” 3rd taste: As giggly tipsy as I was when 14-years-old cadging cheap boxed pink Franzia at that one backyard wedding after which I was arrested for underage drinking while walking home, therefore losing my driving privileges before I could drive. 6th taste: Splayed slack-jawed on a fancy lobby chair nearly passed out.
So, yeah. I couldn’t really drink, so I spent my time photographing myself at artful wineries. I’ll raise a glass to that.
Heart-shaped rose-colored glasses – $2.99, Grocery Outlet bargain market | Black cotton jumpsuit with beaded waist band – $40 (this was slightly pre-Cheep but still on sale), Piece Unique & Shoez (I bought this from a “fancy for me” boutique approx. 15 years ago and it immediately popped a stitch on the neckline that I just fixed approx. 15 days ago. It feels good slipping into something you think you’ve lost, like your ability to get toasted on 3 sips of wine.) |red & plaid jacket– $4.99, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Frye ‘Sacha Moto’ black leather shooties – $100 (MSRP: $278), Bombshell Salon‘s Head to Boots Fall Make-Up Event
“I always know where I am by the way the road looks. Like I just know that I’ve been here before. I just know that I’ve been stuck here. Like this one fucking time before, you know that? Yeah. There’s not another road anywhere that looks like this road. I mean exactly like this road. It’s one kind of place. One of a kind. Like someone’s face. Like a fucked up face.” – River Phoenix, My Own Private Idaho
no label – vintage beach dress $5, ReStyle thrift store.
“Do you know how fast you were going?” the state trooper inquired, inching down his aviators.
He lay in wait in a mirage-like speed trap on the desert highway. I spotted him too late, then caught him creeping out onto the highway in the rearview.
“Fuck.” This vintage white Caddy with the blood red interior must look like a drug dealer’s wet dream.
I fluttered my Bambiest of doe eyes. “I actually don’t. This only goes up to 85.” I gestured to the speedometer, that did, in fact, cap off at the age of the grandmas usually behind the wheel of this particular old-school luxury vehicle.
A wry grin flashed across his face, turned on as instantaneously as those red and blue lights.
When he came back, he gave me a warning, and this cogent piece of advice, “If that needle gets to 85, slow down!”
Jessica McClintock maroon(ed) long sleeveless dress – $3.99, ReStyle Thrift Store | ADAY Something Borrowed black traveling button up shirt – $125, thisisADAY.com | Crocs (but the fashion-y kind) black fleece-lined slip-ons – $20, Crocs.com
Kim got this amazing shades-of-blue winged cotton jumpsuit at ReStyle on the same visit, probably $4.99.
1993 Cadillac DeVille with only 86,000 grandma-driven miles – $3,000, Boise’s Best Auto Sales (thanks to Ryan for tracking down/loaning me the $$$$)
I’m lost. Not, like, literally. I’m not still in Wendell, being gawked at by pumpers at the gas station across the street, as Kim and I pose in our driving clothes in front of the abandoned Ace (one storefront over from the brilliantly-named Grizzly Dairy Wear).
What I need is a big phallic tarot card, telling me, in what I assume is a Barry White ASMR voice, “Hey girl, you’re magic. Poof. It’s all in you. Everything you need to do.”
And then—like magic, like I’m wand-renewed with a psyche scrubbed clean of the plaque of regret, longing, fear, and inertia—I do everything I am designed to do. Like it’s in the cards.
12 pm by Mon Ami floral print long-sleeved shirt – $2.99, ReStyle Thrift Store | Hot Kiss jean jacket – $5.99, ReStyle Thrift Store | Dizzire black and white print pants – Idaho Youth Ranch, $4.75 | Crocs (but the fashion-y kind) black fleece-lined slip-ons – $20, Crocs.com
Note: Every outfit for this trip was recently purchased during one glorious visit to ReStyle.
Scene: Alice through the looking glass in the Velma Morrison Center bathroom during the premiere of LED’s “Jabberwock,” wearing a portmanteau print mix that feels like an idyllic garden scene that goes down the rabbit hole.
Josh purple floralscape dress – $2.75, ReStyle thrift store | no labelBrown and green silk taffeta jacketthat looks like bark and electric moss – gift | brown suede & fringe jacket – gift | vintagebakelite & yellow leather purse – $20, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | ADAY Crop & Roll Leggings grey – $125, ADAY | burgandy boots – $50 on sale, Riverwear in Stanley, ID
How I lost it all? Likely, it happened as I walked down the street, hands in pockets, unconsciously fumbling with my iPhone. An unseen swipe to the left. An unintentional tap of red button. Thusly, I deleted the entire text message history between my ex and me. Two years of intimate archives, burned up like illicit letters in a Victorian fireplace.
You think there’d at least be a two-step pop-up warning: “Are you sure you want to delete this relationship?”
I couldn’t quite come to grips with my melodramatic grief after 4 separate attempts with recovery software failed to retrieve the lost missives (and dick pics). It felt like the end. A more absolute and definitive end than the actual end, holding each other in the early morning after breaking up in his bathroom, as I said, “Can this not be the end? Can we at least take today and this not be the end?”
vintage Jonathan Martin black dresswith weird 80s flounces at the hip– $4.99, Restyle thrift store | Banana Republic braided tan & black leather belt – sale $18 (MSRP $80), Banana Republic Frye knee-high black leather boots – $75, Bombshell & Blokes “head to boots” fall make-up event
Kannon Chaise Lounge in burgundy – $470 (after using a 10% off coupon & a $10 “reward” coupon), Wayfair | Antique Mirror Beau accent table – $4.59 (org. $100, on sale for $39, then discounted obscenely with rewards bucks & offers I got on their app), Cost Plus World Market | Oversized Palm Leaves printed lumbar pillow – $3.19 (org. $29, on sale for $23, then discounted obscenely), Cost Plus World Market | blue & grey ceramic paired bird vase – b-day gift from Kim Philley for Feng Shui true love karma