At a hostel in Sofia, Bulgaria, when I was twentysomething, I met an Israeli guy, Gigi, who successfully claimed insanity to escape mandatory conscription into the army. I found that hot, apparently, because we followed a Lonely Planet write-up to a back alley bar in a barn and downed alcohol as he told me the hidden secrets of the universe. Like his foot fetish. And a “We are the World” form of sex tourism. He told me about the guys he met who made it their mission to sleep with women in every country in Europe and beyond, notching their suitcases with flags from each nation, like splooge trophies. He told me legends of the hardcore Norwegian girls, wearing the shortest of short skirts in subzero temps. Viking AF. Then, he sucked my feet. And this is why one travels. Badgley Mischka black mini dress – $40, Gold Mine Consignment in Ketchum, Idaho | Jones New York red & black flannel jacket – $12.99, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Guess red suede stilettos– $5.99, Idaho …
You come and go. You come and go. | Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dreams. | Red, gold, and green. Red, gold, and green. —Culture Club What comes around, goes around. What goes around, comes around. Carole Little Japanese flower print vest – $0.99 (sale!), ReStyle thrift store | ADAY ‘Turn It Up’ pant (I’ve been super into this technical clothing company after all my leggings would split obscenely at the crotch because of my noticeable lack of thigh gap. ADAY’s “Throw And Roll” leggings have been a glam comfort godsend So I bought this “uniform” called “the monday” (cult?).) – $110 (it would have been more but I googled “ADAY coupon code” before I bought and it worked. It ain’t cheap, but it sure is easy.) – ADAY | Michael Kors tan wedge sandals – gift from Ryan/Nordstrom’s Rack Cheep!
If a pair of zebras needed a wild Air BNB to screw heartily (and look at the size of that schlong—it’s a real heart-stopper), I think this is the room they’d book. Calvin Klein black & white dress – $8, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Liz Claiborne white tuxedo jacket – $1 (sale) – ReStyle thrift store | DKNY platform wedges – $20, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store Etta Benjamin Cien gold floral art – $150, Renewal (Ryan bought this, obvi, as this is his guest bedroom, which he unfortunately does not rent out some Air BNB of the savanna) Cheep it in the hinterlands.
Ryan’s daughter, Kelsey, is an artist, and her monstrous art (in a literal way, there are monster masks & sculptures up in here, and it’s fucking fantastic) runs (zombie crawls) throughout the house. I imagine, when painting this self-portrait as a teenager, she was thinking of Egon Schiele. My brilliant friend Jeff introduced me to this artist in college. Not literally, as he would be a zombie, having died at 28 in 1918, but not before he painted sexy studies of local delinquents spread-eagled and such, but like totally brilliantly. I don’t know if it was the early death like Jim Morrison or the vivid red vaginas, but boy, I had a crush on him. I could stare at his oeuvre for hours. This was a test shot, but after an hour of shooting, turned out to be the best shot. Note the phallic still life. I find great joy in flower arrangements. Calvin Klein red dress with sashay – $6.98, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | no shoes, but I know to touch the floor with …
Friday night, after Ryan and I came home from a gorgeous love-soaked/heat-stroke of a black + white rooftop wedding—too exhausted to take a Cheep photo—I slept in this (sans the hat). I woke up at 6:20 am, sweaty cakey makeup and all, thinking, “What the hell why not. Just put on the hat.” I struggled in the half-light for awhile, almost giving up, then this gorgeous glow infused everything for a time-ticking/camera-dying number minutes. Behold, I finally witnessed the golden hour of the morning. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this up/productive this early. Nice day (post a black +) white wedding. (Cue Billy Idol.) Calvin Klein black cotton w/ white stitched breast pocket – $5, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | vintage 1960s Sears Millinery white straw w/ black velvet ribbon hat -$25, In Retrospect | DKNY platform wedges – $20, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store The red Apocalypse Now chair is mine. I am slowly creeping in over the threshold. Cheep it up.
In the thick of the most intense snow and ice storms seen in Boise in decades, every morning I send a heat-seeking missile into my closet to find the thing that will cover me most thoroughly. I’ll forsake fashion for warmth like a caveman, when the temperature drops below 20 degrees. Fortunately, there’s plenty of velvet jumpsuits, in the case of my particular closet. Like I’m a sexy 70’s cavegirl, found perfectly preserved (and voguing) under this ice block. vintage 1970s Ronni Nicole Petite by Ouida black velvet jumpsuit – $30, Red Light Clothing Exchange (Portland, OR) | Banana Republic cream lace camisole, ReStyle, $3 | leopard print rubber boots – gift, from Jane Newby (New York) | Black & gold arrow banded belt – $0.94, ReStyle thrift store Cheep Jane.
Red hot with some solid gold balls. Working it. Disclaimer: Not actually my office holiday party outfit, which had a flashy sewn-in pearl collar, as one often sees in the workplace. vintage Pendleton red wool skirt – $5, I can’t remember which thrift store; Mei Ji Li Na gold polka dot on black poly-mesh turtleneck top – $3, ReStyle thrift store | Frye deep brown leather riding boots – $125, Vinyl of the Holiday Party: I talked my work into having a vinyl-themed holiday party, and we all dug “The Nutcracker,” so Tchaikovsky’s “Swan Lake” is the closest thing I have at home.