Author: Jessica Holmes

“Palest, Most-Uncoordinated Vegas Pole Dancer Goes for Broke at a Hamptons Hoedown” outfit

Because up top it’s all, “Hand me a gimlet at the regatta.” Or whatever they say in the Hamptons. And down low it’s all, “Bow chicka bow bow…” *face plant* Guess multi-colored print strapless dress – $12, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Melissa white plastic w/ tassels & multicolored threaded platform heel – $24, The Gold Mine thrift store in Ketchum Cheep it all you black sheep.

“80s cheerleader lookin’ to pop her cherry on prom night” outfit

Rawr. Rawr. Siss. Boom. Bah. I did a quick change into this outfit at my last *crosses fingers* comedy show ever tonight, the Boise’s Funniest Person Alumni Show. I hosted. I did a heartfelt, relevant, funny, decent set. I loved the raw talent and energy. I found my laughs. I found my peace with stand-up comedy. With my stand-up self. Rawr. Rawr. vintage 80s Late Edition Ltd navy ruffle dress with boned bodice with gold lace roses  – $5, private yard sale | vintage Mondi Accessories gold leather three-strap sandals – $5, ReStyle thrift store (made in Italy) Vinyl of the day: Get Your Ya-Yas Out – The Rolling Stones Give me a Cheep! It! Up!

“Tiptoe through the Sawtooths” outfit

Through the Sawtooths. That’s where I’ll be. So tiptoe through the Sawtooths with me. Call this glamping, backpacking-style. This black w/ gold & silver metallic polka dot dress ($5 but gift from friend – Mountain Home thrift store (and now so worn-out it’s practically see-through) always reminds me of something a superhero would wear on her off time. Wonder Woman’s Lululemon collection. Record Exchange black & white old-school trucker hat (pilfered from Ryan’s collection, returned dirtier). Cheep it ’til it’s jagged.

“Everything’s coming up stinking roses” outfit

It’s blooming madness. no label home-made? black & red  rose w/ diamond button accents – $15, Once Upon a Time antique store | Cashmere Wrappings 100% silk gray & red flower print scarf – $30, Bombshell & Blokes salon | Calvin Klein black patent leather heels – $7.99, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Vicini red genuine leather geometric belt – $1.99, ReStyle thrift store Vinyl of the day: “Get Nervous” – Pat Benatar Cheep it over your head.

“I really don’t care. Do u?” outfit

“This is America. Don’t catch you slippin’ up. Look how I’m livin’ now.” – Childish Gambino We are all a product of chain migration. Because that’s how families—and the United States of America—have always worked. BCBG Max Azria black front-zip bodice – $3.99, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Step in Style art deco geometric black, cream & pink skirt – $30, Eyes of the World forever ago | Ralph Lauren blackleather wedge shoes – $7.99, Goodwill in Walla Walla, WA Ancestry DNA profile – $69, AncestryDNA.com (hopefully I’m not the one who led to the Golden State Killer). St. Patrick’s Day special, because I’m Irish AF. I learned I’m all breeds of poor Great Britain and poor European pale, and I could track my bloodline’s migration here, from Ellis Island and into America, where I got a chance to live. Vinyl of the Day: Charlie Parker – “Live Sessions” Cheep it on the borders. Cheep it on the streets.

“Idafornia” outfit

“To Most Idahoans, A Plague of Locusts Is Californians” read a headline in The Washington Post in 1979. In Boise and beyond, the buzz is palpable. It’s the low hum of sky-rocketing home prices, boutique businesses, and bourgeouis affairs brought on by an infestation of newly-transplanted Californians. An Idaho native, I’m torn. I love the energy in the air. I love the rock-solid soulmate surfer man California brought me. I love how delighted he is in my Idaho girl ways. But I feel I’m losing my grip on the land. Up until he died, JR Simplot gave a speech every year at my alma mater, the College of Idaho, fist-poundingly exhorting in his OG Idaho cowboy way: “Get a piece of land, and HOLD ONTO IT!” So before the Californians eat it all up, I got me a piece of land. And I’m holding onto it. Fawn & Foal Idaho backbone screenprinted black tank top, $15, Fawn & Foal‘s open studio on First Friday in Garden City 1915 3-bedroom bungalow in historic downtown Nampa with …

“Spring rain” outfit

Free. Passionate. Beautiful. New Nexx York see-through poly red blouse  – $4, ReStyle thrift store | underneath Dianne Von Furstenberg vibrant earthy flower print camisole – $3.95, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Catch My I impressionist bright flower print flowing skirt – $13, Lux Fashion Lounge | The Wild Pair “made in Brasil” real wood heels – $6.99, Goodwill in Walla Walla, WA Cheep in the rain. Cheep in the sunshine.