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“Fair game” outfit

“Most intriguing is the link of camouflage to Cubism and its breaking down of the body in modern art. Picasso exclaimed on seeing a camouflaged canon in Paris: “It was us who created that.” While in conversation with Jean Cocteau, he said: “If they want to make an army invisible at a distance, they only have to dress their men as harlequins.”—NY Times

(Hiding or hunter?) Now you see me. Now you don’t.Bushlan (c) 1989 South Texas Camouflage hunting shirt/mini-dress (with original tag still on) – $8,Once Upon a Time Thrift Store | In Moda gray stirrup leggings – $3, Idaho Youth Ranch | unlabeled patent leather & brass hook belt – $2, ReStyle thrift store | Jeffrey Campbell tan & black heels – $45, Piece Unique boutique

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Crouching Bandwagon, Hidden Tiger

Grrrrrrr…eat. Sometimes, I have trouble jumping on bandwagons. So I wear this hidden tiger dress when I’m feeling a little savage. It’s blend-into-the-background wild.

(I also just realized that Tony the Tiger’s catchphrase is a play on “Grrr…” Um, durrr. Grrr…eat is also how you feel after the sugar high of eating Frosted Flakes wears off. #hangry)

vintage Honeycomb hidden tiger dress, $?, antique store? (Look close for the green eyes of the tigers lookin’ back at you). Ralph Lauren studded black suede & wood high-heeled mules – $5, Good Samaritan thrift store (MSRP $100).

“winter in the tropics (aka Antiques Coat Show)” outfit

0604305167fb777db46e317a507e617cThis winter has been unseasonably warm. Not quite naked-outside-in-a-hammock warm but maybe oh-shit-is-this-global-warming? warm or there-would-be-no-balls-shrinking-in-this-polar-bear-plunge warm.

Since I won’t be wearing these beautiful wool and fur creations in the wild anytime soon, I showed them off in the spare room I now call the “tropical oasis”—a nome de plumage stemming from the vintage illustrations on these custom-printed blinds I bought from Etsy-Greece. One shade covered the door in my recently-departed apartment. So I got it a companion palm so it wouldn’t feel all deserted-island up in here.

The tropical illustrations are from Historia naturalis palmarum—an early 1800s triptych travelogue through Brazil and Peru by a German botanist—illustrated exotically.

SAM_6255circa 1960s – no label except for Bolura: Exclusive Fabric from California cream long coat w/ fur collar. (whisper *exlusive*) Christmas gift from Ryan. Victoria’s Secret botanical nightgown w/ lace & pearl details, $5 – ReStyle (I washed it first, OK?) .

SAM_6245circa 1970s? – no label black short textured wool coat w/ fake fur collar & cuff. I can’t remember where I got this (Antique World Mall?) but it was some cheap beautiful thang.

SAM_6316circa 1960s –  no label save for 100% Cashmere: Dry Clean Only red long coat, $12 – Idaho Youth Ranch. SAM_6270circa 1980s – no label wool long coat w/ subtle red, white and yellow check pattern – $54, Antique World Mall.

Cheep!

“Mod AF” outfit

I wanted to look like Patti Smith, the iconic OG punk rocker poet from the 1970s, as pictured (in a photo by her BFF Robert Mapplethorpe, no less) on the album on my record player. But apparently, upon internet image searching, I look more like Pattie Boyd, the iconic 1960s model who was the first wife of both George Harrison and Eric Clapton. (Way to nail it, girl.) At least I’m still mod AF (as fuck) or AP (as Patti(e).

vintage Liz Claiborne hot pink mod dress – $6.95, Idaho Youth Ranch | Frye ‘Sacha Moto’ black leather shooties – $100 (MSRP: $278), Bombshell Salon‘s Head to Boots Fall Make-Up Event («the next one is THIS SATURDAY, and it’s a bad-ass party to celebrate the 5th b-day of Bombshell Salon. Come! Get cheap-ass new Frye Boots!)

Cheep it like a groupie.

“Snake in the grass” outfit

Craters of the Moon, Idaho, from the NASA Space Shuttle

You boys that pick flowers, and strawberries, near the ground, run away from here, a cold snake lurks in the grass. — Virgil, The Eclogues

I went to Craters of the Moon with Ryan last week, a surreal landscape shaped from slithering lava rising out of “the Great Rift,” now a vast stretch of scaly encrusted black.

Right now I’m watching the news on the mass shooting in Las Vegas. What will stop this firepower? And what sort of warped country will it leave in its wake?

BCBG Generation black & tan snake-print flap dress with built-in black spandex miniskirt – $8.95, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Frye ‘Sacha Moto’ black leather shooties – $100 (MSRP: $278), Bombshell Salon‘s Head to Boots Fall Make-Up Event («the next one is THIS SATURDAY, and it’s a bad-ass party to celebrate the 5th b-day of Bombshell Salon, come! Get cheap-ass new Frye Boots!)Ryan marvels at the oddity of native Idaho creatures. Featuring, at upper right, the real moon.

Cheep it up to the moon and back.

“Screwed zebra” outfit

If a pair of zebras needed a wild Air BNB to screw heartily (and look at the size of that schlong—it’s a real heart-stopper), I think this is the room they’d book.

Calvin Klein black & white dress – $8, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | Liz Claiborne white tuxedo jacket – $1 (sale) – ReStyle thrift store | DKNY platform wedges – $20, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store

Etta Benjamin Cien gold floral art – $150, Renewal (Ryan bought this, obvi, as this is his guest bedroom, which he unfortunately does not rent out some Air BNB of the savanna)

Cheep it in the hinterlands.

“self portrait w/ phallus” outfit

Egon_Schiele_-_Self-Portrait_with_Physalis_-_Google_Art_Project

Egon Schiele “Self Portrait w/ Physalis”

Ryan’s daughter, Kelsey, is an artist, and her monstrous art (in a literal way, there are monster masks & sculptures up in here, and it’s fucking fantastic) runs (zombie crawls) throughout the house.

I imagine, when painting this self-portrait as a teenager, she was thinking of Egon Schiele. My brilliant friend Jeff introduced me to this artist in college. Not literally, as he would be a zombie, having died at 28 in 1918, but not before he painted sexy studies of local delinquents spread-eagled and such, but like totally brilliantly. I don’t know if it was the early death like Jim Morrison or the vivid red vaginas, but boy, I had a crush on him. I could stare at his oeuvre for hours.

This was a test shot, but after an hour of shooting, turned out to be the best shot. Note the phallic still life. I find great joy in flower arrangements.SAM_6021

Calvin Klein red dress with sashay – $6.98, Idaho Youth Ranch thrift store | no shoes, but I know to touch the floor with at least one foot because of America’s Next Top Model #thanksTyraBanks #smize