In true Oscar’s style, the organizers pair up presenters to introduce each category and announce the winners. Magically, and probably because I host  Story Story Night monthly without having vomited once, I was asked to be a presenter along with the elites of the agencies. I persuaded my independent designer friend and Armor Bijoux dealer (tagline: “Jewelry for the fashion war.” «We wrote that together. Brilliant.) Bethany Walter to join me on stage.

Rarely do we get these sort of epic dress-up opportunities. I knew I needed something dynamite. And, three weeks ago at Repeat Boutique (500 South Vista Avenue, Boise, ID 83705), I found a vision of wearable vintage art. The craftsmanship and thought that went into this dress is unbelievable. I modestly refer to it as the naked dress. Because as the picture above shows, it looks bare to the navel, but it actually has a smart and sexy nude bodice with an overlay of fine mesh, ornamented with stitched bead and pearl detail that looks like a necklace made for a bad ass queen.

I exaggerate often, but seriously, this is the most f*cking amazing dress I have ever seen in my life. And only $45. My Cheep dress cap is $20-$25, but you have to make occassional exceptions for the epics.

Anyway, when you have such a dress, you must write such a speech. And here is what Bethany and I did, in a very exagerrated way to get the drunkards attention. Bethany’s dress was $100 (half off the $200 MSRP) at Fancy Pants (825 West Idaho Street, Boise, ID 83702). We are both wearing Spanx. Mine for $7 at TJ Maxx. My purple suede shoes were a $45 (half off at Macy’s) birthday gift from my mom and Steve Madden.

Bethany: 

Jessica:

[Bethany and Jessica fight out an exit.]