Fashion, Mind
Comment 1

The epic Rockies’ dress + lightsaber duel

I am flanked by bad ass hot chicks.

My industry, which is advertising (I am an independent copywriter), holds one epic, no-holds-barred awards show every year. Called the Rockies, the event serves as Idaho’s first stage in the national Addy competition, and also as a forum for the 350+ ad peeps in the state to get completely blotto en masse in as little as 20 minutes.

In true Oscar’s style, the organizers pair up presenters to introduce each category and announce the winners. Magically, and probably because I host  Story Story Night monthly without having vomited once, I was asked to be a presenter along with the elites of the agencies. I persuaded my independent designer friend and Armor Bijoux dealer (tagline: “Jewelry for the fashion war.” «We wrote that together. Brilliant.) Bethany Walter to join me on stage.

Rarely do we get these sort of epic dress-up opportunities. I knew I needed something dynamite. And, three weeks ago at Repeat Boutique (500 South Vista Avenue, Boise, ID 83705), I found a vision of wearable vintage art. The craftsmanship and thought that went into this dress is unbelievable. I modestly refer to it as the naked dress. Because as the picture above shows, it looks bare to the navel, but it actually has a smart and sexy nude bodice with an overlay of fine mesh, ornamented with stitched bead and pearl detail that looks like a necklace made for a bad ass queen.

I exaggerate often, but seriously, this is the most f*cking amazing dress I have ever seen in my life. And only $45. My Cheep dress cap is $20-$25, but you have to make occassional exceptions for the epics.

Anyway, when you have such a dress, you must write such a speech. And here is what Bethany and I did, in a very exagerrated way to get the drunkards attention. Bethany’s dress was $100 (half off the $200 MSRP) at Fancy Pants (825 West Idaho Street, Boise, ID 83702). We are both wearing Spanx. Mine for $7 at TJ Maxx. My purple suede shoes were a $45 (half off at Macy’s) birthday gift from my mom and Steve Madden.

[Bethany and Jessica walk on stage.]
“Interactive and multimedia. This category is epic—a creative battle that pits right brain against left, and good sense against the evil forces of technologically clueless account people.”
“No matter who wins tonight, we all know who the real Jedis are in this category. Programmers, tech geeks, our interactive, interoffice Obi Wans. This is your time. And we honor you now by speaking in only Star Wars metaphors.”
When that Jar Jar Binks from accounts gave you a multimedia assignment from the Dark Side, you pulled a Jedi mind trick, united with the Rebel Alliance on the creative team, and made the jump to light-speed.

Jessica: “Yoda says, ‘Do or do not, there is no try.’ You did, young Skywalker, you did.”Bethany: Now, for the winner. May the force be with you.

Jessica: Congratulations _______________.Jessica: “For our exit, Bethany and I will recreate the most epic blood, sweat and tears battle scene of all time.”

Bethany: “Using the iPhone StarWars Lightsaber Duel app.”

[Bethany and Jessica fight out an exit.]
Thanks to Dan Costello. I couldn’t have written this speech without your expertise.

1 Comment

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