Year: 2015

“PARADiSE” outfit

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Every outfit speaks volumes. Sometimes right on the tag. On the front, this one says in a sexy 1980’s cursive: Sophistication. On the back, a fantastical creation story: MADE IN INDIA  Congratulations on your new purchase. This dress from our sequin and beaded collection has been entirely handcrafted. It takes a team of 5 skilled workers 15 to 20 days to complete one dress.  All those hands. All that meticulous stitching. All for a sophisticated $99.50 American dream. Yet there the tag hangs, still attached to the dress, like an albatross on an unforeseen 30 year tour. Over time, this vision of sequins and silk—trapped in a closet, beautiful and unworn— turns into nothing but a missed opportunity, then a waste of space. So it spends a brief purgatory in a thrift store in Boise. Before it arrives at last at PARADiSE: Stories of Buying a Stairway to Heaven. For $18.75. This is the fortune I gain from the tag story: You can find immeasurable beauty and riches that cost you next to nothing. But you will have to dare to look in unexpected places. Sometimes, you …

“Generic Landscape Hotel Art” outfit

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It speaks of bland escapes. Vacations hinged on chain hospitality. The birds of the beach and the brushstroke green of the backcountry as seen on the walls of a Motel 6 in the middle of nowhere. I can blend in anywhere. I’m a total wallflower. Who put a bird on it. Collective Concepts green & gray dress, $15 (LUX). Black Rainn sheer bird shirt, $14 (Serendipity Boutique). Kate Spade nude wedges, $70 (ROSS Dress for Less in Portland, originally $300). Gold & glass landscape necklace, $5, Idaho Youth Ranch. Gold bracelet combo, gifts from sisters. Album of the Day: “Inner Space” by Chick Corea Cheep!

“Light Adjustments” outfit

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I run (albeit slowly) in the foothills at sunset. (I know that sounds sketchy (mom), like the first line you’d hear on an episode of Dateline NBC.) I’ve been digging for fire. I’ve been seeking out the Golden Hour. Those bright, illuminated moments—somehow strikingly different with every waking (and winking) day—right before and after the rise and the fall. I always feel my timing is off. That I’m perpetually running behind the most brilliant moments. Just catching the glimpse of the aftershock, colors fading to muted desert greens and purples. But it still counts. The fading light captures me, instead. Hawaiian Moon sage green silk dress, gifted. Two overlapped “genuine” leather belts, one gray (Idaho Youth Ranch-$5.75), one leopard print (Restyle, $2). Kenneth Cole strappy platforms, $7 (Serendipity Boutique). 2 overlapped bracelets, both gifted to me by my sisters. Vinyl of the Day: Simon & Garfunkel Vol. 1 Cheep!

“Push It Real Good” outfit

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Mirrors ’80s plaid top with sheer sleeves and tie waist, Serendipity Boutique, $6 Gloria Vanderbilt black shorts, Serendipity Boutique, $4 DKNY black and white suede platforms, Idaho Youth Ranch, $20 2 different dangling earrings, Idaho Youth Ranch & Eyes of the World, for asymmetry After 7 years of working alone, I decided go on the rent-a-coworker installment plan. Meaning, I decided to rent a desk at a downtown PR agency, where there’s both hub and bub. I wore this outfit for my “first” day of “work.” It would probably be inappropriate in any other business context than an ad agency or ’80s rap band, and that’s one of the reasons why I love my chosen profession, copywriting, and moonlighting as Pepa in a tribute hair/short-shorts band (this last part is a bald-faced lie). Vinyl of the Day: “Sweet Baby James” by James Taylor (I’m doing my best enigmatic Sweet Baby James face.)

“PURGATORY” outfit

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I have this sick green neon sign in my bathroom that inspires serial killer queries from dates. It’s by Boise artist Wil Kirkman. I bought it at Visual Arts Collective a few years ago when in the suck, because it illuminated the darkness. It also gives off great mood lighting for pooping and showering (but not in that order, because ew). vintage Roper acid blue jean skirt, LUX, $18.99 vintage Liz Claiborne puke green tank, LUX, $7.99 Cindy Says green-gold hells, Piece Unique, $I can’t remember but they were half off 1920’s Afghanistani silver and glass necklace, Armor Bijoux, $$$ I wore this outfit to Story Story Late-Night‘s PURGATORY: Stories of Being Stuck in the Middle with You, the adults-only black sheep arm of the live storytelling show I co-created and artistic direct. Something about the high-waisted, acid-colored denim split skirt speaks to all the weird fashion trends I am stuck forever craving, to my ultimate detriment. The sickly, silky green top brings to mind my sign. In bleaker times, I read those three words as a concise summary of life itself. The …

“The Lone Wolf” outfit

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When I went to the Record Exchange to get “Who’s Next” by The Who on vinyl earlier this week, the guy who checked me out was wearing this “I’m Lonesome” shirt in blue-gray. “Hey, I have that shirt too! But in flesh-tone. I love it. It’s like a bandaid.” “For the wound that never heals,” he replied, smiling wryly. I found this profoundly hilarious. Because dark humor, like dark chocolate, is a pure, rich and bitter treat that can be the most deeply satisfying of them all. (That’s what she said.) The “I’m Lonesome” flesh-tone t-shirt is by the artist Erin Cunningham, who somehow lives in Boise even though she should be SoHo famous. Her talent is vast, and varied, and she issued these shirts last Christmas-time at a gallery shop (for $25, plus it came with a complimentary mixed-tape burned CD called “Lonesome Times”). As soon as I saw one, I found it hilarious. “Those are on the nose,” the sad clown would say. Erin also did the black-and-white cartoon-style piece featured above my record player. It’s titled …

“Purple Rain, Purple Rain Pants” outfit

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Some days you wake up after a night of crazy intense summer rain craving a Prince mohawk. Luckily, you have the pants to match. They’re not quite blue and not quite purple, but blurple (Liz Claiborne, Idaho Youth Ranch, $6), just as enigmatic as the artist-formerly-known-as. I paired these with a Maggie Lawrence Sport black button up top (circa 1980s) from ReStyle ($3) that I just noticed is size 22/24. Sometimes, too big tops can be sexy-ish, if you button them up halfway, and wind/movement shows off your figure in blasts, and they slip off your shoulders for generous side bra/boob. But sometimes, Jessica might need to clean out her closet. The jury is still out on this one. Cap that, or bottom it, with black patent leather Guess stilettos from ReStyle for $7. I must admit, I am anti-high heels for women’s equality, longterm bunions, and ability to run quickly reasons, but I must say, damnnnnnn, they make an outfit look so much hotter. When thrift store shopping for shoes, I look for the rarely-if-never …

“The Sherbs” outfit

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Yes, this outfit is named after the 1989 Tom Hanks movie, The ‘Burbs, if instead of a cult thriller it was more of an acid trip to the sorbet joint. The mouth-puckering pink skirt is from ReStyle. The silky floral tank top (that, not to be a boob or anything, I found in the lingerie section) is from the Idaho Youth Ranch. They both cost like $4. The genuine leather purple suede belt is from ReStyle for $2.95, (exact price verified as I never took off the yellow sticker). The BCBG purple suede platform shoes are from some department store when I used to go to those and were on sale but still probably cost $40 or something. I could fact check this, but I would much rather eat sherbet while on an imaginary date with Tom Hanks from the ’80s. Vinyl of the Day: The Pink Panther. Cheep!

“It’s Business Time at the Circus” outfit

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I hope you get that chorus from the Flight of the Conchords song stuck in your head when you see this get-up, because… it’s business, it’s business time (if you happen to work in a circus).  Yesterday’s outfit made me think of this weird art deco-ish dress I bought at Eyes of the World like 5 years ago for $35 and never wear because it’s very breast exposing, turning the ensemble into a XXX circus peep show (which sounds like a profitable business venture/reality TV concept, now that I think of it). Anyway, pair it with a pin-stripe vest and pearl/metal dangle earrings (both from the Idaho Youth Ranch for like $3 each), and look who’s now only slightly inappropriate in your corporate meetings. Then put on a pair of suede black-and-white DKNY platform wedges (purchased at the Idaho Youth Ranch for $20), hit the streets, and enjoy all the pratfalls and awkward stares of a stilt-walker. Vinyl of the Day: “Symphonie Fantastique” by Berlioz. Cheep!

“BoHo Faux Bloomingdale’s” outfit

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My (now) New Yorker friend Bethany and I wandered through Bloomingdale’s on my spring visit to the city. (The art deco font on the building alone gave me full-body spasms.) Inside, we browsed through the unaffordable and strange and beautiful, and I was deeply taken with the pleated print skirts, priced at $250+. So when I returned to the land of thrift stores, I attempted to recreate the experience, for under $15. I may not look as svelte and rich, but it’s all sorts of boho (hobo?) chic up in here. Vinyl of the Day: “Who’s Next” by The Who.