Author: Jessica Holmes

“Push It Real Good” outfit

Published by

Mirrors ’80s plaid top with sheer sleeves and tie waist, Serendipity Boutique, $6 Gloria Vanderbilt black shorts, Serendipity Boutique, $4 DKNY black and white suede platforms, Idaho Youth Ranch, $20 2 different dangling earrings, Idaho Youth Ranch & Eyes of the World, for asymmetry After 7 years of working alone, I decided go on the rent-a-coworker installment plan. Meaning, I decided to rent a desk at a downtown PR agency, where there’s both hub and bub. I wore this outfit for my “first” day of “work.” It would probably be inappropriate in any other business context than an ad agency or ’80s rap band, and that’s one of the reasons why I love my chosen profession, copywriting, and moonlighting as Pepa in a tribute hair/short-shorts band (this last part is a bald-faced lie). Vinyl of the Day: “Sweet Baby James” by James Taylor (I’m doing my best enigmatic Sweet Baby James face.)

“PURGATORY” outfit

Published by

I have this sick green neon sign in my bathroom that inspires serial killer queries from dates. It’s by Boise artist Wil Kirkman. I bought it at Visual Arts Collective a few years ago when in the suck, because it illuminated the darkness. It also gives off great mood lighting for pooping and showering (but not in that order, because ew). vintage Roper acid blue jean skirt, LUX, $18.99 vintage Liz Claiborne puke green tank, LUX, $7.99 Cindy Says green-gold hells, Piece Unique, $I can’t remember but they were half off 1920’s Afghanistani silver and glass necklace, Armor Bijoux, $$$ I wore this outfit to Story Story Late-Night‘s PURGATORY: Stories of Being Stuck in the Middle with You, the adults-only black sheep arm of the live storytelling show I co-created and artistic direct. Something about the high-waisted, acid-colored denim split skirt speaks to all the weird fashion trends I am stuck forever craving, to my ultimate detriment. The sickly, silky green top brings to mind my sign. In bleaker times, I read those three words as a concise summary of life itself. The …

“The Lone Wolf” outfit

Published by

When I went to the Record Exchange to get “Who’s Next” by The Who on vinyl earlier this week, the guy who checked me out was wearing this “I’m Lonesome” shirt in blue-gray. “Hey, I have that shirt too! But in flesh-tone. I love it. It’s like a bandaid.” “For the wound that never heals,” he replied, smiling wryly. I found this profoundly hilarious. Because dark humor, like dark chocolate, is a pure, rich and bitter treat that can be the most deeply satisfying of them all. (That’s what she said.) The “I’m Lonesome” flesh-tone t-shirt is by the artist Erin Cunningham, who somehow lives in Boise even though she should be SoHo famous. Her talent is vast, and varied, and she issued these shirts last Christmas-time at a gallery shop (for $25, plus it came with a complimentary mixed-tape burned CD called “Lonesome Times”). As soon as I saw one, I found it hilarious. “Those are on the nose,” the sad clown would say. Erin also did the black-and-white cartoon-style piece featured above my record player. It’s titled …

“Purple Rain, Purple Rain Pants” outfit

Published by

Some days you wake up after a night of crazy intense summer rain craving a Prince mohawk. Luckily, you have the pants to match. They’re not quite blue and not quite purple, but blurple (Liz Claiborne, Idaho Youth Ranch, $6), just as enigmatic as the artist-formerly-known-as. I paired these with a Maggie Lawrence Sport black button up top (circa 1980s) from ReStyle ($3) that I just noticed is size 22/24. Sometimes, too big tops can be sexy-ish, if you button them up halfway, and wind/movement shows off your figure in blasts, and they slip off your shoulders for generous side bra/boob. But sometimes, Jessica might need to clean out her closet. The jury is still out on this one. Cap that, or bottom it, with black patent leather Guess stilettos from ReStyle for $7. I must admit, I am anti-high heels for women’s equality, longterm bunions, and ability to run quickly reasons, but I must say, damnnnnnn, they make an outfit look so much hotter. When thrift store shopping for shoes, I look for the rarely-if-never …

“The Sherbs” outfit

Published by

Yes, this outfit is named after the 1989 Tom Hanks movie, The ‘Burbs, if instead of a cult thriller it was more of an acid trip to the sorbet joint. The mouth-puckering pink skirt is from ReStyle. The silky floral tank top (that, not to be a boob or anything, I found in the lingerie section) is from the Idaho Youth Ranch. They both cost like $4. The genuine leather purple suede belt is from ReStyle for $2.95, (exact price verified as I never took off the yellow sticker). The BCBG purple suede platform shoes are from some department store when I used to go to those and were on sale but still probably cost $40 or something. I could fact check this, but I would much rather eat sherbet while on an imaginary date with Tom Hanks from the ’80s. Vinyl of the Day: The Pink Panther. Cheep!

“It’s Business Time at the Circus” outfit

Published by

I hope you get that chorus from the Flight of the Conchords song stuck in your head when you see this get-up, because… it’s business, it’s business time (if you happen to work in a circus).  Yesterday’s outfit made me think of this weird art deco-ish dress I bought at Eyes of the World like 5 years ago for $35 and never wear because it’s very breast exposing, turning the ensemble into a XXX circus peep show (which sounds like a profitable business venture/reality TV concept, now that I think of it). Anyway, pair it with a pin-stripe vest and pearl/metal dangle earrings (both from the Idaho Youth Ranch for like $3 each), and look who’s now only slightly inappropriate in your corporate meetings. Then put on a pair of suede black-and-white DKNY platform wedges (purchased at the Idaho Youth Ranch for $20), hit the streets, and enjoy all the pratfalls and awkward stares of a stilt-walker. Vinyl of the Day: “Symphonie Fantastique” by Berlioz. Cheep!

“BoHo Faux Bloomingdale’s” outfit

Published by

My (now) New Yorker friend Bethany and I wandered through Bloomingdale’s on my spring visit to the city. (The art deco font on the building alone gave me full-body spasms.) Inside, we browsed through the unaffordable and strange and beautiful, and I was deeply taken with the pleated print skirts, priced at $250+. So when I returned to the land of thrift stores, I attempted to recreate the experience, for under $15. I may not look as svelte and rich, but it’s all sorts of boho (hobo?) chic up in here. Vinyl of the Day: “Who’s Next” by The Who.

“Happy Short Circuit Phoenix Birthday to Me” outfit

Published by

Have you ever thought, “There is something seriously wrong with me”? Say, since you were 12 years old? This birthday is a big birthday for me, not only because I am officially super old, but because I just realized there has been something seriously wrong with me. For about 23 years. An easily-fixed glitch in my system that until now has wreaked havoc on my entire adult life. Like a Tasmanian Devil tattoo on your forehead. It’s been that hideous. [Outfit breakdown: Silk & sequins phoenix top $15 (Serendipity Boutique; No brand name on tag—made in India circa 1980). Lace cutout leggings $20 (Forever 21). Salvatore Ferragamo orange suede boots $45 (Idaho Youth Ranch; Original MSRP=$1500). Thinning hair, acne and angst (courtesy of an endocrine disorder called PCOS).] I don’t know why I can’t just post a “Yea, it’s my birthday!” Cheep note but I can’t, because it’s only been 9 days since it’s really sunk in (along with the hormones). I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), and I likely have since puberty. Like 1 out of 20 women. This basically means my ovaries don’t …

“Ms. Claus on Cormac McCarthy’s The Road” outfit (Story Story Night special)

Published by

Have you ever wondered what Ms. Claus would wear if trapped in the apocalyptic landscape of Cormac McCarthy’s The Road? Have you ever wanted to get precision shopping details from someone who gives long, comedic titles to her outfits? Behold. Dreams—or nightmares—coming true: I call these pants the Apocalypse pants, because, made of pleather and purchased at Forever 21 for $20 (half off, original $40), they would outlast the cockroaches. Fitting for the Story Story Night theme PLANES, TRAiNS & AUTOMOBiLES, if you’re dark like me. The Laurence Kazar (est. 1960s) shirt, if you can call it a shirt as it surely is something far more spectacular than a mere shirt, was purchased at my favorite thrift store, Restyle, for $7. It was also half off (original $14), because I roll dirt cheap in vintage silk, sequins and beading, bitches. You are not really bitches. That’s the pants talking. Erm… The Salvatore Ferragamo orange suede boots I found at the Idaho Youth Ranch for $45 mother-bleeping-fucker-dollars. (OK, now suddenly our tone of voice has shifted to a badly censored …

[BREAK UP DIORAMA] The Exit Sign

Published by

Butterfly Nebula, NGC 6302 What resemble dainty butterfly wings are actually roiling cauldrons of gas heated to more than 36,000 degrees Fahrenheit. The gas is tearing across space at more than 600,000 miles an hour—fast enough to travel from Earth to the Moon in 24 minutes. A dying star is at the center of this fury. It has ejected its envelope of gases and is now unleashing a stream of ultraviolet radiation that is making the cast-off material glow.—Hubble image, NASA Space Center Two years ago, the Darkness descended. I know this, because I wrote Melancholia about it, a post for FU (it’s not an insult, it’s a fashion blog). Since then, my heart has not so much been broken or burned but atomized. Completely shattered into raw matter. Boom. When it first started, I remember begging my brain for an answer, repeating over and over, if only in my mind: “What is happening to me?” “What is happening to me?” “What is happening to me?” That then turned into: “Why is this happening to me? Why me? Why?” That …